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Teach people how to treat you!

October 31, 2017
What we allow will continue. Our life is really our creation, we hold all of the responsibility to make ourselves happy and successful. Many of us complain and get upset because of mistreatment from others, however we must have the maturity and wisdom to realize and accept our role in it all.
Healthy relationships involve equal reciprocation of give and take. Any dynamics outside of this are almost always going to lead to feelings of mistreatment and boundary issues for both parties. Ask yourself, how do you allow people to treat you? What are you like at identifying and implementing boundaries in your relationships?
The cold hard truth is that most of us are terrible at implementing healthy boundaries in our closest relationships. Most of this is because we are afraid of being seen as selfish or losing the people we love. In fact, the ones we risk losing is ourself! Many women lose themselves in their relationships as they engage in people pleasing behavior and place the needs of others above themselves. When this happens of course we feel mistreated and feel resentful.
Instead we must have awareness about the dynamics within our relationships and make conscious choices about how we maintain the give and take in our relationships. We must authentically and lovingly ask for our needs to be met while at the same time nourish ourselves so that we have plenty to give the people we love.
This doesn’t sound like such a big ask does it? Then why do we all struggle so much! Many of us have subconscious programming from our childhood that placed us into self dismissal behavior and taught us that self sacrifice is somehow admirable and/or righteous. That you are a good person if you are a martyr and place everyone’s needs before your own, the problem with this is it’s completely unsustainable.
We therefore have to address this subconscious programming and make new decisions for ourselves about our relationship behavior. To do this we have to first learn to nourish and maintain our own needs. This can be hard for those of us that received messages from our parents and teachers that this makes us selfish. Think about the realities of this though – they are often catastrophic! With nothing to give we cannot nurture our relationships which continues these cycles of mistreatment and resentment.
This week we want to challenge you to really take note and responsibility to fill your cup first, then look around you at your most important relationships and consciously choose how you will give and receive to maintain this healthy balance.
Healthy relationships are your responsibility because you are 50% of every relationship you are in. Drop the blame and shame game where you have made it other’s responsibility to create your happiness and be accountable to what you give and take.
Nourish yourself first and then work on balance not perfection – you can do this!
Nicole

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